bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
