I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
