All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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