having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
