My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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