Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
