My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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