life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
