My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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