i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
