he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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