____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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