you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
