I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
