I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
