fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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