you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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