What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
