I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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