um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
