Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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