i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
