The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
