Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
