When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think people are normalizing furries
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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