I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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