I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
