Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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