Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
