i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didn't notice because vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
