He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
