Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
