I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
