The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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