he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
