We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
