i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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