would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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