I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
