Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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