Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I believe in your delicious
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
