Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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