she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
