I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
