I puked a lego.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
