At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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