May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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