quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im holly from the hills drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
