i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
