So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
