Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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