there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
