I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
