I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
