get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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