So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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